Down, but not out

I'm back! Sorry for the temporary hiatus, things got a little crazy... here's an update.

I'm recovering from this cold I got from going to Angel's Camp this weekend. I was supposed to go to Vegas with my family, but Maya ended up getting swine flu and I took my siblings up North to this western town instead and we went gold panning. It was cute... but not exactly Hollywood glam. Let's just say that I was pretty freakin happy to land back at LAX. It was like a breath of fresh air that I didn't even know I missed.

Being back in the bay area this weekend was depressing. I don't know why. It didn't feel comfortable and freeing, it felt claustrophobic. My anxiety came back there. Doubt crept up on me. For now, I'm going to stay away... I think that's the only way I can be my own person and keep my sanity.

This cold has me down, and I was sent home from work today since it wouldn' t help our cause to get the whole office sick. I hope that doesn't affect my final evaluation- this week, I'm going to be told whether or not they can afford to bring me on as a publicist. I'm REALLY scared. I know that they want me there, so it's just a matter of whether or not we have enough clients. I promise to keep you updated either way.

Another reason I haven't been writing is cause work has me a little confused. My supervisor who was so excited to bring me on and bring me to all the meetings, etc. turned a cold shoulder on me OUT OF NOWHERE. Like, he completely started to ignore me. And I was so confused, and questioning whether or not he wanted me there anymore, and ugh. I don't even know what to think! I had a meeting with him the other day, and he says he has been busy and he wants to bring me on.

So basically, what's happening is, I was hit with the reality of the real world as I slowly came back down from this temporary flight of insanity I had when I just took off and left my home and life in the bay area. And I started to question myself and what the fuck am I DOING here? This way of thinking is what made me stop writing.

But I'm done with this questioning and doubting and negativity. Fuck that. Because I did not come out here to doubt myself.

Now, my crazy ass impulsive decision is grounded. Now, I am going to come at this with not only my heart and impulses, but my head and positivity. And THAT is how I am going to become the best damn publicist in Hollywood.

So, here is my game plan:

1.) Adapt to LA: Find a hair salon, nail salon, permanent main grocery store (Hello, Vons, bye-bye Safeway), favorite mall, favorite coffee shop/hang out spot, move theater, start buying furniture and home accents, keep working out (it's good for my sanity), take a dance/kickboxing/yoga class. Goal: Make this place home.

2.) Keep kicking ass at my internship. Take it one day at a time. I'm doing very, very well and should not doubt myself, regardless of my supervisor's actions. Observe, learn, analyze, conquer!


3.) Take some time to relax at least once a week, because I need my immune system to be up.

4.) Keep writing.

That's all for now, I need to sleep and recover. Good night!